Red Lights and Green Lights on the Journey of Life

Red Lights and Green Lights on the Journey of Life

Coming across an old railway signal and seeing the sunlight shining through this old and broken object made me think of all the stops and goes it created during its working life. I’ve always loved railways.  Maybe I am too romantic, but I recall hearing the train rattle behind my university in Maynooth, Ireland, as a student. I would note the times I heard it.  My friends would joke that they didn’t need a schedule because I would know it.  Even before that, I recall an old cousin taking me down to the back of his property to watch the trains come through a tunnel you could see from there. I thought it was amazing. As an adult, I think again about the journeys that were part of this signal’s story.  The simple green or red pieces of glass had a lot of power.  They could stop the train and set it in motion again or just have the train sail on by.  Kind of cool thinking about the engineers who designed the signals.  For most of us, the signals we encounter daily are on the road.  We all know how to respond to the colours as drivers, cyclists and pedestrians. We learn from an early age how to modulate what we are doing according to the colours that we see.  We must follow the rules for the preservation of life and order.  The regulations are usually not considered onerous. 

Boundaries in Family and Work Relationships

But what about the stop-and-go signals within our relationships?  Are there times when family members overstep boundaries?  How do we cope with work colleagues or managers who are intrusive and disrespectful of our ways of doing things?  How do we create signals that clearly define our wishes?  These are often the topics that come up in counselling.  Many clients report struggling with family members or work dynamics.  The problem often arises in them not knowing how to demarcate what will work for them and what will not.  Sometimes clients are aware of what they need but they are unable to voice their wants in a way that does not seem threatening.  People often struggle when it comes to having to articulate what is not working well and how others are contributing to that. Counselling can become a safe space in which to talk and tease apart what the family and work dynamics are and what might be helpful for them going forward.  At times, I will have a client imagine a person that they are struggling with is right in front of them and we explore what they might like to say to them and what is holding them back.  The imagining of a scenario or a role-play at times can help clients to put their thoughts together and to name feelings that hinder or contribute to their anxiety or fear.  Through the process clients often begin to identify what they can give the green light to and what is within the parameters of a red light.

The Benefits of Counselling for Establishing Better Emotional Health

When clients learn and practice how to speak up for themselves and manage their expectations of how others may respond to them, they can feel stronger, more grounded, and more rooted in themselves. Their confidence as a person grows and they can feel more in control of themselves and life.  The outcome of setting boundaries does not ensure that others will comply but for the most part, like train drivers and people in traffic, people follow the rules unless something adverse happens.  There can be accidents due to inadvertence and health events but most of the time, journeys are smooth. There is a sense of order and there is a system.  The more clients work through their life’s journey and examine how they engage with others and what works well, they can be fueled up to keep going.  Engagement with others through social gatherings, be they family, work or general hobby groups, is important.  Relating to those around them is vital for helping combat elements of depression and anxiety.  Participating in events is healthy.  Having the ability to engage with the public in certain jobs where people can be angry and irritable at times is key. We cannot avoid messy situations because life brings with it ups and downs when it comes to dealing with various characters and personalities.  Whatever the circumstances, the more people have developed their sense of self, with all their values and beliefs, then the better equipped they are to make clear what their own red lights and green lights are when they must interact with people, and this will also help those who interact with them.

So, to conclude, I ask you, What are your boundaries? How do you set them? How do you cope at home and work and in general in the world?  How could counselling help you to delineate your values and thoughts and to explore what is vital for your emotional regulation?  If you think you would like to delve into some of these issues, consider a few counselling sessions.  Beyond that, I hope your imaginings of this old train signal conjures up some of the great train journeys it contributed to across the land.  All aboard!!!