Grief and Music

Grief and Music

Music often evokes times past. Canadian Crooner Matt Dusk is known for his excellent performances, which take people back to the world of Frank Sinatra and Tony Bennett. Growing up, we may have heard their songs played by our parents and in the movies of the day. People fill intimate venues such as the Myron Theatre in Las Vegas to listen to the tunes and lyrics that remind them of people who have passed and times that may seem more straightforward. 

Death of Loved Ones

Recalling people who have gone before us can be triggered by hearing a particular song or tune. Memories from these moments can be positive, or they can make us sad.  What songs do you remember from your past that remind you of someone?  Are they childhood songs or music you enjoyed listening to as a teenager? Grief is usually about the death of someone, but there are other types of grief.  The grief that comes with the realization that times have changed.  Friends have moved away, or you’ve lost touch with some friends.  Sometimes, it is not for any other reason beyond the fact that people have just gone on different paths due to life circumstances.

Distancing of People Due to Arguments

The loss of family members due to arguments and differences can be particularly painful to different people in the family. How does one cope and process the distancing of siblings or parents due to arguments that didn’t involve you? People can get drawn into rifts even when they desire to remain neutral.  It is always complex and painful when there is an element of grief in your life.  There doesn’t always have to be a physical death; there can be emotional death.

Anticipatory Grief: Illness and Old Age

There are other elements of grief, such as the impending loss of friends or a family member due to a terminal illness or old age.  You know that the time is drawing closer for the person who is going to die.  At times, the sorrow, the lump in your throat or pangs in your stomach herald the closing of the person’s life.  People often cry more during times of anticipatory grief than when there is the ultimate death of the person.  Once that happens, people are tired and worn out and find solace in the idea or belief that the person is out of pain or out of a life that was somewhat limited due to illness or age.  The piece of music chosen for funerals and celebrations of life is always interesting. Do people pick a conventional hymn or an upbeat and energizing song?  The selection of music often conveys their faith, spirituality, and that of the person who has died.  To hear that music again in the future will cast most people back to the celebration of that person and their life and the role they played in their lives.

Music to Explore, Cope and Live with Grief

There are so many things that music evokes.  This short blog post is to trigger some thoughts and reflections on what you might like to explore within the counselling context.  What has music maybe awakened in you lately? What have you lost or fear losing? Do you want to examine your thoughts and feelings or some actions that have changed for you lately?  As Matt Dusk sings so well, the U2 song “Two Shots of Happy, One Shot of Sad” . . . let’s explore the interplay of the happy and sad in your life.